How Shall I Love You
by animefollower
Summary: Things have gotten a bit weird between the twins. One is so bored all the time, it's painful. The other is in so much pain, it's boring. There are so many ways to "love" your twin. Question is, which will they choose in the end? Will they even have to? Contains incest and yaoi. Don't like, not my problem XD
1. Chapter 1

I'M BACK Y'ALL! AND WITH A WHOLE NEW STORY!

I've thought about something like this for quite some to be honest. I thought it would be interesting so I got off my lazy ass and wrote it. I did my best to make it different from my last story but its all up to you guys in the end. I just decided it was good enough to be in the outside world...god i hope this doesn't suck XD

Anyway on to the newest addition to the HikaKao fandom collection ^_^

 _Italics: Kaoru's thoughts_

 ** _Bold Italics: Hikaru's thoughts_**

Pairings: Hikaru x Kaoru

Disclaimer: I stick to my previous claim. The ouran doesn't belong to me but the twins belong to each other! Forever!

Enjoy ^_^

* * *

It was another boring day for both twins.

Boring; yes.

But in a different way for each Hitachiin.

Hikaru just sat in his desk in the middle of class; working on his current assignment best he could. He just wanted the day to move on already. Rarely anything exciting or even interesting happened these days, but he still couldn't wrap his head around why.

 ** _It's been a while since I was this bored for so long . . .*sigh* maybe I could start a fire, and then school will be out long enough so that I can think. Yeah, great idea, destroy a place to learn so that I can think. I've really been slipping on my plotting lately. I wonder why? I haven't been doing anything different. I think. At least I know_** _I **wasn't being different.**_

He did notice something though. . .

Someone has been watching him for quite some time now.

* * *

Speaking of Kaoru, he was busying himself with mindlessly staring at his brother. Letting his thoughts swirl and roam with wants and questions on his own reasons for being bored. And a bit lonely.

 _Look at me._

 _Come on._

 _Why won't he look at me?_

 _Why won't he touch me?_

 _Do something to me._

 _Hell even right now in class will do at this point._

 _Anything_

 _Pat me_

 _Lick me_

 _Bite me_

 _Scratch me_

 _Hit me_

 _Hold me_

 _Love me_

 _Please._

 _Just, look at me,_

 _The way you used to._

 _I still do._

 _I never stopped._

 _And I never will._

 _Look at me damn it!_

Things went on like this for both twins.

One so bored it was painful.

And one in so much pain it was boring.

* * *

The bell for the end of class finally rang. Hikaru was on his way towards the host club, but on his way, he was suddenly stopped by a tug of his arm and the sound of a familiar voice.

"Hey wait. Let's talk for a minute." Kaoru said, dragging his brother to the side of the hall. _Ok Kaoru, stay cool. You can do this._

Hikaru stood with his twin already a bit annoyed "Talk about what exactly? You're constant staring at me all day, every day at school? Yes Kaoru, let's talk about it!" Maybe slightly more annoyed than he thought.

"I-I wasn't-...Okay, maybe I have been looking at you funny for some time." He stopped to think carefully of his next words, "B-but it's not entirely my fault! You haven't-"

"Then what is it? Do you have a problem with me Kaoru? Is that it?"

 _Where did that come from?_ "What are you talking about? Look Hikaru, I've just been a little on edge lately cause-"

"On edge?! You get nervous whenever I'm within ten feet of you! What, am i smothering you!?"

 _Just the opposite actually_ "If you would just let me speak-"

"What for Kaoru? You've said enough! I'm out of here."

Walking down the now empty halls, feeling only a twinge of guilt for lashing out at his twin, Hikaru heard one final line from Kaoru before he himself walked off.

"WHY DON'T YOU CARE ANYMORE!?"

Hikaru looked back at his retreating brother. As one thought that continued to repeat in his head for what he can assume will be the rest of the day.

 ** _What's that supposed to mean?_**

* * *

Later in the day . . .

Closing the door to their shared bedroom, Hikaru marched in to see his twin curled up in their covers. Looking in such a way that the sight nearly had him in tears knowing he may have pushed his brother into such a pitiful state. **But why? Surely me losing my temper is nothing new to him. So why is he so upset?**

Feeling a shift on the bed, and not the covers being thrown off of him; Kaoru realized Hikaru actually wants to talk this time. _A little late for that brother dear._

"Hey Kao . . . I'm sorry. What I said earl-"

"DON'T HIKARU! Just DON'T" Kaoru threw the cover off of himself and glared at his twin whole wholeheartedly. Having lost all hope of fixing what has been done, he lost his temper as well.

It was a rare sight to see the younger of the two so upset, and even more so when the anger was directed at him. Kaoru was always more prone to avoid fights between the two if he could. However he wasn't afraid to shoot a word or two at another person if it meant standing up for his twin. People hardly ever messed with them anyway so again, this was rare.

One of the reasons he avoided yelling at his twin out of anger is because he didn't like seeing the shocked expression on his face. Or the instant tantrum that followed it.

"What's your problem Kaoru? I'm trying to apologize here! Why can't you just accept it?!"

"Do you even know what you're apologizing FOR Hikaru?" Not caring to actually wait for his response, Kaoru hopped off the bed and headed towards the bathroom. He didn't know what for. He just wanted to walk away, but not really go anywhere.

"Of course I do. You're upset because I lost my temper and yelled at you. I feel bad, so I am apologizing. What's not to get?" deciding he didn't want to lose the argument; Hikaru had followed him to the bathroom and waited for a comeback. However, didn't expect the bitter laughter that came from his twin instead.

"I don't believe this. You honestly have no idea how bad this situation is. Do you?"

Hikaru couldn't make tales of what his brother may have been referring to. He racked his brain until he came up with the worst possible scenario.

"So you want to break up."

"Excuse me?" To hear such words from his twin caused a slight tug at his heart in the worst way. _Has he lost it?_

Having not heard an instant denial from his brother at the accusation, Hikaru thought he must have come to the right conclusion. In fact, it made perfect sense. To him anyway.

"Well you have been avoiding me like the plague this past week. You give me these creepy looks like you're ready to eat me alive. And you don't even look at me when we have sex anymore. We barely even do it so is it really so bad for you? If you want to end it, then just say it and get it over with." Sadness came with each word he said. He thought he figured it out. That he saw it coming. But then why does this this seem so hard? "Just spit it out! Say you don't love me anymore!"

"JUST SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH HIKARU! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO PLAY THE VICTIM HERE!" That was the last straw. He couldn't listen to anymore of his brother's accusations. _YOU DON'T TOUCH ME! YOU DON'T CARE!_

"K-Kaoru?" No words could come from Hikaru's mouth. He felt as if some otherworldly force was telling him to just shut up and listen for once. So he did.

Kaoru took a breath and prepared himself before he let go of what he has been holding in for such a long time. Turning his head slightly away from his brother; Kaoru began to explain.

"You said we hardly ever do it anyway. But it's not just that Hikaru. We never do anything of the things we used to. We haven't really done anything together. It feels like . . . like we aren't even dating in the first place. There hasn't been any romance in such a long time."

As the hurt in his heart grew, Kaoru's head shot up with a firm gaze that became somewhat more intense as he went on.

"And our 'sex life' is practically non-existent. We don't try anything creative or exciting at all. Not even the most basic parts of foreplay. Hell not even foreplay. No hand-jobs, no blow-jobs, no dirty talk, no flirting, not even hand holding! No touching what-so-ever! We never go out anywhere together. You don't even want to do it somewhere other than the damn bed! All you do is grab me when you feel horny, strip me down, and pound into me until we both cum; which doesn't last very long by the way. It's not even good enough to be considered an orgasm anymore Hikaru! Do you understand how sad that is? You don't even take off your clothes most of the time because you know you aren't going to be tired afterwards. Didn't you ever wonder why that is? Or how that makes me feel? That you don't even try to please me anymore? THAT YOU DON'T CARE?!"

"..."

Kaoru's gaze softened a bit and he sighed sadly before he continued "Did you even notice that we haven't shared a kiss in over three freaking months Hikaru? Did you at least see that much? Something so important that connected us in the first place?" He took a deep breath that should have calmed him down, but only allowed his tears to begin to fall gracefully down his face.

With shaky breathing, Kaoru concluded with his heart breaking,

"I-if you aren't even going to show any interest in our love life. . .th-then. . .then maybe we just shouldn't have one at all!"

He ran from the room with tears pooling in his eyes; leaving behind a shocked and confused Hikaru standing frozen in his place.

* * *

Hikaru stood still in the middle of the bathroom. Trying to digest and understand a realization that is only just now coming to him after who knows how long.

 **I wasn't the victim. Far from it. I was the problem.**

He didn't move from that spot for several minutes. Simply thinking about what's happened and listening to his twin's nearly silent sobs in the next room.

 ** _How did I let this happen?_** Hikaru thought to himself as he was now pacing around the abnormally large bathroom. _When **,** **did I let this happen?! Yea I noticed sex with Kao was getting shorter and shorter, but not by much; but then again compared to the first few times…it was more than three times as long. And I suppose I have gotten a bit lazy when it came to foreplay and such…which would explain why I'm not even tired afterward. But there is no way that I have been neglecting him and his desires. Right?**_

Hikaru thought back on it for a moment,

 **"Hey Hika~ I got this great new kitty outfit! C'mon let's try it!"**

 **"Nah, I'm going to check out the new arcade now. Wanna tag along?"**

 **"N-No. No that's okay. I'm just going to go take a nap"**

 **"Sure thing little bro"**

 **"G'night . . . bro"**

 ** _Oh no._**

 **"Kaoru, have you seen my phone?"**

 **"Of course, I have it"**

 **"Well then hand it over"**

 **"Hmm...No"**

 **"Why not?"**

 **"Let's go out tonight!"**

 **"What"**

 **"I thought we could go out and have some fun tonight Hika. Just, the two of us. No club, no phone, just being with each other."**

 **"Kaoru, we are rich. We don't need to go out to have fun."**

 **"Yeah I-I know that, I just wanted..."**

 **"Kaoru just give me my phone and call some people on yours if you want to go somewhere. I'm relaxing on the couch."**

 **"..."**

 **"I don't have all night."**

 **"...fine"**

 **"Thanks have fun!"**

He raised his head suddenly, eyes wide with fear and shame. "Oh hell."

Turning his head to Kaoru, he watches as tears continue to fall down his sweet face.

Feeling so much frustration with himself, Hikaru throws a rather hard punch to nearby wall.

"Fuck!"

He sheds tears of his own, too angry with himself to wipe them away or feel the pain in his hand.

* * *

I promise this isn't going be an all the way through they fight until the very last chapter kind of story. I can't tell you how much i HATE those. I mean does it count as a HikaKao if they aren't paired until the very end? Don't get me wrong, those are great stories but they frustrate the crap out of me.

Anyway...

Man this took a long time. I must say that kaoru's speech made me tear up a little. But I wasn't sure if it turned out how I was hoping. I was going for heartbreaking speech. Which I'm no good at. And I don't know if it's just me, but hey, I told you how I felt.

Your turn!

I'd like many reviews for this before I update and please be honest and detailed\emotional. Show me how much you care or don't care. Loved it or Hated it. Let me feel it. I'll appreciate it either way.

BTW: the point of this story will surprise the hell out of you!

BETA READER WANTED/NEEDED PM ME IF YOU WISH TO HELP ME OUT

Please, review and tell me what you think ^_^


	2. Chapter 2

_ALRIGHT. I'M HERE! I'TS HERE_

I present Ch.2 of How Shall I Love You

Author's Note: Okay it's been literally about two weeks from exactly 2YEARS since this was updated. Please forgive me to those who have waited so patiently. ESPECIALLY to those who have waited like 3 years for You're Worth It (you should check it out. its hot heavy and good/decent). A lot has happened to me the past two years (4 relationships, 1.5 years of being legally homeless, moving 4 (about to be 5) times and blah blah blah) BUT I've finally gotten my life together and had random inspiration for this story. I got this done in two days so I probably shouldn't be posting this yet but I'm about to move again and I wanted to get this done before it was too late. I hope you guys love it as much as I do and there WILL be a third chapter not too far from now.

 **Dedications**

 **HaruhiFujioka1425:** I'm so glad you felt that way! I remember crying a little when I first wrote that chapter because I couldn't believe I was doing this to the twins.

 **BOLTO1:** THANK YOU THANK YOU! I'm so sorry that this took about 2 years for me to update and I'm sorry to disappoint on You're Worth It since I've yet to update it. I'm not giving up on it I swear but its going to be a while longer before I can go along with it. It's next chapter will be short only because the rest will be its usual 3k+ words.

 **HeartQueenVavaldi:** AWE thank you ^_^ I tried to put it in a way that really ties all the aspects a relationship and I was rather happy with it.

 **AlisonWest:** Thanks. Here you go.

 **Anonymous:** I knoooowwwww!

 **THURSTY:** Here is the second. You get more xp

 **Existiert Nicht:** This is gunna have you like -_o

 **DychiTokuga:** I love how your review was typed 'hilary' for two years XD

 **sonicshadowbro:** Here yous gos

 **Nonius9:** If you ever get tired of the clichéd lovey-dovey fics then you should go on wattpad. the stories for these two are all so depressing and heart breaking that I went into depression for months. All kind of hardcore and gets into some deep stuff and made me hate haruhi with an unrealistic passion for a year.

 **crazy and random child:** Thanks for the offer. If I need one you will be my first thought.

Pairings: Hikaru x Kaoru

 **Disclaimer**

 **I do not own Ouran or its characters because if I did it would be an intense yaoi or at the very least wouldn't have ended in a hug. I mean come on, if you are about to die with the girl you love in your arms we all know you aren't going to just hug her and hope for the best**.

 _Italics: Kaoru's thoughts_

 _ **Bold Italics: Hikaru's**_ **tho** **ughts**

Enjoy ^_^

* * *

 ** _Hikaru's POV_**

 ** _'Please Kaoru... please you have to forgive me.'_**

I got myself off the floor and tried to calm down a bit. Feeling like the biggest idiotic jackass is well deserved but now is not the time. I need to think. For once, I needed to think about how Koaru must feel. This may very well be my final chance to help the situation.

As I walked into my bedroom, I was trying to wrack my brain for what to say. **_'OUR! I meant OUR bedroom!'_** Okay I don't think an apology is going to be enough at this point. I've got to show that I do still care about our relationship. But more importantly him. But how...?

 ** _'Think. Think. Think damn it!'_**

Once I got within about arm's length of my brother, I knew thinking time was over and it was time for plan B. **_'Just speak your mind. Just say something. Yeah. Just to get the ball rolling. You cannot make things any worse. So just say, anything.'_**

So, I did just that. And the first thing out of my mouth... was a mistake

"I couldn't have known you thought so highly about sex Kaoru." **_'WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!'_**

* * *

 _Kaoru's POV_

 _'I can't believe I just ran out like that. What am I some school girl who just got rejected by her crush? Well I guess in a way I might as well be.'_ I sighed despite my tears. _'The look on his face. If I didn't know any better I'd say he looked guilty and offended. Hmph. Serves him right.'_ The thought almost made me chuckle a little.

During my mixed emotions filled thinking, I could hear what sounded like a thud to a wall. A second later I heard slowly moving footsteps behind me. _'No. Just go away. I don't even want to hear you apologize anymore. No matter how much you plead I just can't forgive something so-'_

"I couldn't have known you thought so highly about sex Kaoru."

. . .

Wait.

What?

 _'ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!'_

I gritted my teeth together and managed to reply in a semi-calm voice "Was that supposed to be a joke?"

He began to stumble over his words in peruse of a decent response "Uhm…I didn't, not in that...I-I just wanted to...uhm, yes?"

FAIL

It's clear he is trying, _'but right now I can't even turn to look at him.'_

"This isn't **just** about sex Hikaru!" Throwing my arms down to my side and ducking my head down, my body was beginning to shake. Weather out of anger or sadness was anyone's guess.

 _'God had he heard a word I said not even two minutes ago?!'_ I thought angrily having already lost my patients but sighing once more in exasperation. _'Not like it matters anymore either way'_

"Kaoru please. Let's just talk about this." I felt his hand begin to grace my shoulder but I stepped away from it. Something I had never done before.

"Talk? Now you want to talk? Well in case you hadn't noticed, I tried that. Many, many, oh so very many times. Spoiler alert, it doesn't work too well." I calmed down and wrapped my arms around myself, not even bothering to wipe what i swear to be the last of my falling tears.

He replaced his hand back to his side. "Yeah... you're right. So then how about you talk this time. And I promise to listen. Just, just tell me how you're feeling. from start to finish." He said sounding genuine.

I peeked over my shoulder at him to see if he meant that and turned back to facing the wall. "You'll really listen? You'll hear my feelings?"

"I swear."

I sighed "Starting with the whole sex problem. I'm not just some whore who needs to be drilled into and screwed every day. But I'm also not a talking sex toy you can carry around with you for convenience, only to be ignored unless needed. I'm not either of those things Hikaru." _'I was your boyfriend for crying out loud.'_ "I'm a human being. Yes, I have desires but I also have emotions and a soul."

I whipped myself around glaring straight at Hikaru, "I **was** your boyfriend. For a long time. But more importantly I'm your brother, your friggin' twin!" My face perfectly matched my rage as I hissed in a low tone "How could you think so lowly of me?"

I paused and looked at him. He just stared like I had stabbed him yet he seemed to really be listening. And he was staring at me. Right at me. _'Now you look at me? Now do you see me?'_ I decided to try to calm down, but like earlier as soon as i did I felt my heartbreaking seeing no end to this cycle.

"Doesn't that mean **anything** to you anymore?... You would think if it did..." I paused feeling myself getting choked up again. "I thought that if it did... if I just got you to look at me, just one time, you could realize how bad things are and how unhappy I was." Turning my head down to the side, I folded my arms as if trying to protect myself from my own words. "You'd feel like a jackass. Then look like one trying to apologize just like you always do-" I held back a sob and gave such a pitiful half smile. "And we could go back to the way things were."

Thinking way back to the day we first confessed our feelings, I remember how obvious it was to each other. The look on his face that day has always been my most favorite memory. Still is in fact. We must have repeated the words 'I love you' a thousand times in about a hundred different ways that day. That kiss may not have been our first, but it was absolute proof. Proof that what we felt belonged only to the two of us.

Just imagining it gave me a stroke of happiness. _'I want to feel that love again Hikaru. But I have doubts that you still feel that way now.'_

I couldn't help as I walked toward him. Just a couple steps and we were so close together. Just enough space for me to place a gentle hand on his chest. I felt his heart beating. It was so calm yet rapid. I looked straight ahead at his face as I stared deep into his eyes. Same color as mine. But so much more beautiful.

I know he doesn't hate me. -At least I hope not- but for these past few months he leaves me alone. He shuts me out. He still jokes with me, we play video games, we talk at family dinner and hang out still...but is that it. We have -what he considers to be- sex on a sort of regular basis and sleep in the same bed, but he never holds me anymore. I know I should be glad that I don't get kicked out of bed anymore but that's only because Hikaru doesn't get over heated anymore. Because he lays so far away from me. It gets cold at night.

 _I'm so confused_

My hand moves to the back of his neck.

 _I just can't tell_

My other grips his tie.

 _What do you feel_

I grip his hair forcing him to lean in closer to me

 _Am I your brother or your boyfriend?!_

I step a little closer until there is just enough distance between us so he can see the crazed and confused smirk on my face.

"Tell me Hikaru. Just how **do** you love me? I need to know."

"K-kaoru?"

* * *

BAM

CLIFFHANGER!

I already know what I want to do next so I don't see this taking me too long to update. Maybe a month or two. Sorry for the cliffhanger btw.

Oh I had an idea and I want you guys to put in your opinion along with your reviews for the chapter. Y'know how there are a LOT of HikaKao stories that are just SO close to the end but never got finished? Well I was thinking of started a story/stories filled with one shots of how I wanted to see the fanfic end (with credits to the author of course). What do y'all think?

Also I've been WAY into Natsu x Grey fanfics lately. So, if you have one written I'd love to read it. I'm pretty sure I read all the good ones on here though (by good I mean more than one chapter and not them having multiple partners) not that those AREN'T good, I personally just don't like those too much.

And with that I bid you a goodnight.

Please, review and tell me what you think ^_^


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